As adults often we are faced with situations where disagreements may arise or a difference in opinion needs to be shared or even a confrontation needs to take place. Speaking as someone who would almost always avoid these scenarios (unless I am literally forced in a corner), as I am learning to self-love I am seeing the importance of speaking one’s mind. We have all heard the phrase ‘though without any bones the tongue can cause the most pain’ and it is always said that the truth seems to be bitter and difficult to swallow, so how can we be more open and honest but at the same time make sure the ambience we create is still one of love?
I think what I am trying to say is that even if your nature is soft it is imperative to remain honest but not let your truth take away from who you are. I understand that there are many times where one should refrain from turning a heated argument into an explosive one, but as someone who has always done that, this has allowed many individuals to say what they want, however they want taking in no consideration of the impact it ends up having on me. And I feel that I am to blame for that as I do allow that to take place and if I want my feelings to be known I cannot expect others to understand me unless I express myself.
When we want to express our opinions we must always take into account the tone and mannerism of what is being said. I feel that this is very important, especially if there is something important to discuss because not only does it mentally alter your whole demeanor positively but it also projects how you want to be spoken to. Love yourself so that others know how to love you, same way speak to others how you like to be spoken to.
Another point to note is one truth can be said in hundred different ways, when you want to share something, the words we use are just as important as how we say them. As a teacher I have always been taught to ‘sandwich’ a target you want to give a child with positive reinforcements, in other words we give the child ‘two stars and a wish’, the stars being compliments on their work and the wish being what we would like to see improve. Before we point to others we must always be aware of our faults, more importantly we should always keep in mind how we would want our faults to be known to us, and that should create a platform for what we say to others.
The final aspect of ‘talking the talk’, is the intention behind what you are saying. Many times arguments end up being the result of people being riled up, buttons being pushed, or a scene being created for someone to simply vent. What is the reason being behind what you are saying? If you truly want to diffuse the argument or look for a solution or want yourself to be heard without hurting others, then your intentions will end up being transparent.
Lastly, there will be times when emotions run high and the discussion is very confrontational. Try not to let your emotions get the better of you. You cannot control how the other person is projecting themselves but you can show them by example. Remaining calm may be the most difficult thing to do but it’s the only thing letting you control how you are being presented. And if you do not like the way you are being spoken to you can walk away, because that is you setting the tone for the discussion therefore walking away is letting the other person know that their behaviour is unacceptable, and you are putting yourself first because ‘you are your own best friend’.
Brown Girl R.