Love is a subjective matter and it means differently to different people but I believe everyone can agree that the feeling of love should be of positive emotions and energy. It is all about being an important factor in someone’s life, coming first, being considered, being looked after, feeling safe and being worthy of others making an effort to keep you happy, having your wants and needs fulfilled.
Being loved should make you happy as should you loving others make them happy but the most important relationship you will have is one with yourself. And important as it is to make sure your loved ones feel loved by you, YOU need to make sure YOU are LOVING YOURSELF also. It is important to love yourself, to its full extent and in this blog I will be discussing the important factors of how you can begin to love yourself, before learning to love others:
Be your own source of happiness.
It’s amazing to see/read romantic movies/books where the dreamy Prince Charming fulfils all the wishes and desires of the ‘damsel in distress’. And in real life it is nice when others surprise you and make effort to do and give you things that make you happy. But before depending or expecting others to make you happy, what are you doing to make yourself happy? However before we begin to discuss the importance of making yourself happy, have you taken the time for yourself to discover what actually makes you happy? There are many things which we love or hate instinctively and we create some sort of wish list for the things we want to have and do. Things we hear about from other people or see other people do, things we see in movies and read in books but have we really taken the time and effort to discover who we truly are? What things we can learn to love and hate?
They say babies should be fed the same food at least 7 times to actually discover whether or not they find it tasty. And I believe the same principle should be applied to everything we try, maybe we should try them at least more then once to discover whether it is a like or dislike. Once we have understood ourselves a little better, then we should set ourselves goals, targets and make realistic and achievable plans to meet them. The goal itself could be far-fetched but if planned well there’s no reason for it not to be attainable. However remember that this is your plan, it should be made with only you mind, this does not mean that you need to anything by yourself but your plans should cater to your happiness. Things like time frame, venues or destinations should be what you want them to be because you need to start doing what makes YOU happy and not others, and if those that really love you would like to join you then whatever makes you happy should be incentive enough to make them happy.
This I feel continues from the point above and follows through to the next point. What makes you happy, what you would like to have, do, what you might need to get rid of? Any plans no matter how big or small should begin with you and end with you. Although we all should have people around us, those willing to lend a helping hand whenever we should need it (because we would do the same for our loved ones), but when we plan to achieve anything we need to understand that self reliance is key. If others step in and help out, that should be the bonus not an expectation, so that if they can’t then we should still be able continue.
This is achieved by planning well, being a bit more organised and researching whatever it is you intend to do. Doing your own research I believe is very important, others advice no matter how helpful it is is still their own and although it could be right, it might not always give a true reflection of how right it is for you. That is because your judgment sometimes requires your experience, wisdom and understanding as well the knowledge of facts and figures.
Be your own superhero.
It’s nice to have someone you can always count on. Someone who is there for you no matter what, allowing you to lean on them and let them be your support system when things are not going your way. Those people truly are a blessings in our lives, but if you rely on them a bit too heavily you will tend to overshadow your main source of strength, resilience, beacon of hope and that is (*drum roll please…) YOU. No we cannot do everything ourselves and yes it is acceptable and even commendable to ask for help when needed but don’t let that make you think you are not doing or being enough.
More often than not we tend to ask for help because although we have already given our all, the situation requires much more (sometimes the universe being as vast as it is, is not always fair). Don’t let that make you believe that you are not being heroic enough and you need to hang up your superhero cape, on the contrary you need to put that cape back on and understand you doing all you can for yourself is you being all the hero you need to be.
Be your own light.
If what you feel inside is dependent on how others are around you then you are at the mercy of others for something that is and should only be within your control. What happens around us, to us, the works of the world and others is never truly in our control. Things have a way of panning out no matter how well we plan and hard we work for them to go a certain way. Sometimes things will go as planned, sometimes they won’t, sometimes things that work our will stay that way other times they won’t and the same can be said for things that don’t initially work out.
What I am trying to say is that we have very little authority of what goes on around us, even though we are constantly making an effort for things to work out a certain way. But what we do have total control over is ourselves and if we let others dictate how we should feel about our own selves then we will never be able to sincerely appreciate who we are. There are times when things or people let us down and we feel sad, embrace that sentiment but don’t allow yourself to become the emotion. Liberate yourself from others expectations and enforcement and understand that your positivity, light and strength comes from within you and it is up to you to let it shine.
Be your own cheerleader.
Every achievement no matter how small should be self-acknowledged, appreciated and celebrated. You need to be your biggest fan, so that when the extra effort is required you are able to give yourself the push, whether or not others do. That is because you are living your life, which should consists of your rules, and your achievement whether or not they are beneficial to others, are your own. If some goals require all night dedication then you are loosing your sleep, if travelling is required then you are going from one place to another. Your efforts might not be appreciated by others but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be recognised even if it is just by yourself.
That is because when we do complete the task or attain what we set out to achieve, the physical gain is what others see, the hard work, perseverance, commitment is what only we are aware of. This should be celebrated and remembered so that when we set our sights even further to achieve more, we know that despite the mammoth task that lies ahead we have the means to accomplish because we are able to put in the hard work. Others might not share the sentiment because they aren’t fully aware of our capabilities, but that should matter to us because we should be our own cheerleaders.
These are just points I feel we should recognise and embrace so that we truly appreciate and love ourselves, but I would love to hear what points you think are also important to loving yourself.
Remember Reflect. Love. Heal always xXx
Brown Girl R