Love is subjective, its meaning and understanding varies from person to person. It is give and take, it should make you feel better about yourself and likewise you need to make your loved ones feel good about who they are. Our perception of love is conditioned by what is shown to us; our parents relationship, other relationships around us, what we see on tv, read in books, etc.
However these shouldn’t be the only components of how love is shown, one of the biggest factors that help us understand and judge what love is, is how love makes us feel. Your self-love journey isn’t just about embracing yourself and learning to love who you are, its about being loved from yourself and others to help you grow and be the best version of who you are.
With that in mind as I am growing so is my perception of love, and above everything else love should always make me feel good. That doesn’t mean that love is not hard, or something that doesn’t require effort and work but if I know that I am loved I should feel happy and comfortable. With that in mind I have listed below what I believe love should be:
Love is feeling accepted
Whether it’s emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually or sexually. When you are loved every part of you should be taken into consideration, looked after and celebrated. It should allow you to feel comfortable expressing yourself, sharing your aspirations and dream, exploring your every desire with the comfort that not only will you not be ridiculed but you will be assisted to accomplish it all.
Love is feeling secure
Love should make you feel safe, protected, prioritised even if it isn’t a physical defence in itself, the love you have should look after you and always make sure you are ok.
Love is liberating
It should give you wings, the strength to jump into whatever you desire to do, be or overcome with the assurance of if you should ever fall, your loved ones will be there to catch you.
Love is trusting
It should never make you feel worried or force to second guess yourself about what another person is doing. It should allow you to indulge in every fear and irrational thought you have and then have the misconceptions clarified calmly and without judgment. This does not mean we should continuously find ways to blame others, as we tend to trust others based on how trustworthy we are ourselves or what we have gone through in life. But if we have a valid reason to doubt (no matter how far fetched it may be) we should not be humiliated for it.
Love is listening
No matter how busy, hectic, stressful or crazy the day has gone you should always feel like you can go to your loved ones if you ever need to talk. They might have had a bad day themselves, or might not have the time or understanding of what is going on to help you solve an issue or to give you advice. But they will always make the effort to listen to what you have to say.
Love is forgiving
Love should make you feel comfortable owing up to your mistakes, be truthful and unreserved. If the mistake is genuine and there is guilt, love should make you feel like you can start again to make things better, because if you truly have regret then you would avoid making the same mistake at all costs and love should recognise that.
Love is smiling
Even if you have nothing to give you can always share your smile. If there is a misunderstanding and it is genuine or you are feeling in need of comfort due to an exhausting day, giving a smile is a beautiful reassurance and it can calm down the most panicked person. Love should always make you feel like smiling and smiled upon.
Love is respect
Love should be respect for your beliefs, wishes, personal space, basically everything that makes you you. Love should make you feel proud of every part of you, especially your flaws, it should not only be accepting your imperfections but encouraging you to embrace them as they make you who you are, and that is perfection.
Love is growth.
We are continuously growing and that means we adapt and change as we learn and advance. Love should acknowledge that, accommodate that and grow with you. Love should never make you afraid of the unknown, rather give you the confidence that no matter the shape your future will take, love will always be there.
Love is remorseful
Love should never force you to justify if you’re feeling hurt or down, or compel you explain the hurt especially if it is caused by others. Love should be understanding and ready to recognise your comfort zone, your boundaries, your likes and dislikes, and if you have been taken advantage of in anyway love should be there to not only make you feel better but also safe and sheltered.
Love is all these things and much much more, but importantly love is positive emotion and it needs to make you feel good. I hope you have enjoyed this blog and would love to read if you have any other elements of love that you have recognised.
Reflect. Love. Heal always xXx
Brown Girl R.