Before I begin I want to point out that this blog is very personal to me, it is something I am writing for myself before others. And this hits home. Hard. So I’m apologising in advance if my points come with excessive gusto, these points are just something I am very passionate about. That is due to the fact that I had to learn the hard way, looking back I find it upsetting that others had over stepped my boundaries but I now realise that there is a lot I can do to further prevent this.
So I would like to share with you the 5 ways I try to honour my physical boundaries, I am still learning and so some points are more easy to follow through than others, but I believe they all have an important message for us. And I hope the message I am putting forward can be of some benefit to you.
How are you able to recognise when others have overstepped your boundaries if you haven’t recognised, highlighted and honoured them yourself? It is important to take time for yourself, to self-reflect and understand who you are.
We are all on a journey where we are constantly learning more about ourselves, but one thing that is constant is the fact that we are responsible for our mental, physical, spiritual and sexual well being. We share ourselves and our experiences with others but inevitably our boundaries are shaped by our preferences and who we are not by others and their influences.
Don’t allow yourself to be subjected to others.
Everyone has something to say about everything. What I mean by this is you will have those who will be your cheerleaders, and you will have those who will be your constant critics. You need to learn to love who you are so that you can embrace who you are becoming.
Whether it is on a physical well-being journey, achieving an academic goal, moving up in your job, where you are and what you have done should not determine who you are, but in order to be fully happy after achieving a certain goal you need to appreciate where you are at. This can only be accomplished if you focus on you and not subject yourself to others and what they are thinking about.
Understand what you are open to.
You always try something new at least once. Whether is may seem daunting, impossible, outside your comfort or something you know you will completely fail at, don’t let that deter you from having a go.
It really doesn’t matter what others think of your attempts, you are doing what you want to and however that turns out at least you will be able to look back and think ‘at least I tried’. Having a go, stepping outside your comfort zone allows you to understand and adept your boundaries how you see fit, as long as you are making sure that you are not compromising yourself in any way.
Never feel compelled to follow through if you’re feeling uncomfortable
This is repeated again and again, don’t be afraid to say no when you feel like and yes when you feel like. Before thinking about how you may seem to others and how your no/yes affects them, think about the impact it has on you. No matter how far the situation has come, no matter what the implications were beforehand, you have every right to say how you feel and to change your mind whenever you wish to do so.
It really does not matter what the circumstance of other person/people is, if going ahead is going to affect you negatively. You cannot compromise yourself in any way, any how. What matters is you and sometimes that is a difficult truth to swallow, especially if in a situation that seems to be the opposite notion. But you do matter, how you feel and what you want to do, it all matters, and very importantly so it should matter to you.
Let go of society’s expectations
There are so many norms and values set by different societies, shaped by different communities and living in multicultural city, growing with friends and colleagues from different backgrounds has enriched my life and taught me so much that I wouldn’t have learned otherwise. However standards set by a few, serve a purpose to those few only and many people have to conform to these ideologies because it is expected of them.
Due to this many physical boundaries end up being violated before we’re even aware of them, for example greeting others (adults, those we know and those we don’t) with physical contact. Having visitors stay over, sometimes in our rooms for a certain periods of time because ‘family/friends help each other out’, looking after guests because they’re visiting us, all of these and more provide an opportunity for physical boundaries being abused.
Living in a brown household, girls particularly have an immense responsibility on the role they have to play and the reputation they have to uphold. I literally cannot count the amount of times I have been in a situation, or have had to follow through with something I did not want to, due to what was expected of me. And as I am growing older and becoming more confident in who I am, trying to raise my children the best I can, I have realised that;
- No matter how many people you try to please, you cannot make everyone happy.
- Expectations set may not always have your best interest.
- The outcome of any scenario does not always reflect the intentions behind it.
- Others expectations are just that, meeting them or failing to do so will not benefit or harm you in any realistic way (it cannot pay your bills, eradicate any problems, etc).
- Only you can live your life, no matter what control you give others they have their own lives to live so you are not going to be others’ priority.
- Lastly only my Lord can judge me, He has set out expectations for my benefit and for me His laws are paramount.
So society can take a hike (putting it mildly) and I need to do what is best for me. I need to make sure that if my boundaries are compromised due to the expectations of others than protecting my boundaries should be my primary focus, not how I am seen by society.
On that note remember you are amazing and do not under any circumstance let anyone steal your light or trample your glow. Be you in the best possible way you can and Reflect. Love. Heal. always.
Brown Girl R xXx