The beginning of a relationship is a time where you’re getting to know each other and discovering each other on an intimate level.
So during this period it is natural and even a good thing to focus on the relationship and spend a lot of quality time together.
However, being your own person in a relationship, having your own hobbies, goals, circle of friends and time to yourself is crucial for your growth and well-being.
Controlling behaviour is a big red flag that leads to a very unhealthy or even abusive relationship as lots of boundaries are crossed and not respected.
Controlling behaviour can start off as being subtle, or guised in the form of love or care. and even justified as such.
Again if someone is asking you to do something or preventing you from being yourself or doing what you enjoy and it doesn’t sit right with you, do not accept the justification behind such behaviours.
If you have always been an independent confident person and someone has to know where you are at all times that is not ok. It is perfectly fine to let someone know you are on the way home so you can have dinner together or let them know your schedule so you can make plans for the week. But for someone to keep tabs on your every move and location is a very controlling form of behaviour.
In the same way if someone keeps turning up uninvited, or pops up at work and nights out to ‘surprise you’ for no reason, that is them checking up on you and if it makes you feel uncomfortable or uneasy address it straight away. Especially if you see them all the time and they claim they just ‘missed you’
If your confidence and self-esteem is being affected by constant criticism or negative comments about your appearance, think would you ever make someone else feel like that or speak to someone the same way? If your answer is no, then do not allow anyone to make you feel or speak to you in a way that affects you negatively.
Your friends and family are a part of you and are a part of you. If someone thinks your friends are not a ‘good influence’ or doesn’t like the way your family behave or prefers to not be around the people you love and care about, that is a big red flag and can lead to you feeling isolated and alone if you cater it.
Your own privacy is important, and if someone is projecting their insecurities on you when you haven’t given them any reason to, it is important not to enable such behaviour regardless of what has happened to them in the past.
No one should feel comfortable going through your phone or personal belongings to check on you, nor should they constantly accuse you of cheating because you are not doing things their way.
Another red flag is when someone in a relationship has erratic mood swings and gets angry when you don’t do things his/her way. A relationship should never be about having consequences to actions or being punished for doing something that does not cater for someone else’s needs or requirement.
It is always important that you are a valued member of any relationship where someone is considerate of your needs, goals and opinions.
No one should ever make decisions for you or undermine your goals and opinions.
A healthy relationship is about someone allowing you to flourish and grow into the best version of you with support love and kindness.
You should never have to prove your love for someone by doing things their way or losing yourself and those you care about to cater for someone else.
Someone else should only add joy, security and happiness to your life and overall well being.
It is so important to be complete and full of all the joy, self-esteem, confidence, love and security you need before embarking on a new adventure with someone else.
Because you deserve the best and you have all the things you need within you.
reflect. love. heal
Brown Girl N